Public Images, According to Emily

So I don’t really like the little picture that is my icon for WordPress. It’s official name is “Gravatar” something something. Whatever. I don’t like my little picture thingy.

I would like to change said picture. How am I supposed to blog confidently when I constantly worry about what people will say about my teeny tiny (almost too small to really see) picture?

Wow. I don’t think I can follow this girl’s blog because I don’t like that picture. (Yes, I know it’s an eyesore.)

What is that? It looks like some bad Instagram photo. (That’s because it is.)

Why is she wearing a wedding dress? I thought this girl was only 19. (I found it at a thrift store and thought it was cool, okay?!)

Well, I apologize, readers. It was the most current photo of me that was acceptable enough to put on such a public forum. Thank you for reading my blog despite my ill-chosen picture. I’m here to let you know I’m working on changing it.

I perused my Facebook in search of a potential picture. It proved rather difficult, as certain guidelines must be met.

  1. It has to be flattering. Ok, ok. So I’m vain. What of it? I don’t want people thinking I’m ugly! There’s nothing wrong with that…
  2. It can’t be lame. In most of my pictures I’m just standing there, smiling lamely. No one wants to see that. They’ll think I’m boring. My picture needs to be awesome and fun. I need ‘stache glasses like GoJulesGo.
  3. It needs to be relatively recent. I can’t choose a picture from three years ago. I already look younger than I am, so why further the impression that I’m 16?
  4. Other people can’t exactly be in it. Then you’d all be confused about who I actually am.
  5. I just have to like it. I’m a girl. We’re picky. Sometimes I don’t like a picture of me for no apparent reason at all. It’s probably hormones or something.

All those qualifications lead me to very few pictures. You would think that having 561 Facebook photos would make this relatively easy. But to no avail, reader. However, I’ve come up with a solution. I shall let my faithful readers vote on the new face of La Vie Selon Emily.

Provided will be my commentary on each picture, including it’s pros and cons.

Mustachioed Emily

This is Salvador Dali and me. As you can see, I am channeling my inner Dali, making this picture fail qualification 1, but passing qualification 2. It’s about a year or so old, but the only noticeable difference between Dali-Emily and Current-Emily is that my hair is much shorter. And obviously, the fact that good ol’ Salvador is in the photo shouldn’t confuse my readers, as Salvador Dali is not a young girl.

Scholarly Emily

This picture semi-passes qualification 3, as I graduated only one year ago. I’d say graduating from high school isn’t lame, therefore it passes qualification 2.

Zombie Killin’ Emily

On this day, I went to the shooting range with my dad. Yes, I know it is stereotypically southern, but I won’t deny my roots just for you people. They had zombie targets, so I was pretty much a zombie killing machine. I just like the story behind this picture, because it doesn’t really pass any of the qualifications except 3, and maybe 1.

Civic Duty Emily

This picture displays my responsible citizenship, as I voted for the first time this day. My sticker says “I’m a Georgia voter.” So basically, I’m kind of important. It’s not that old, because I haven’t been old enough to vote for very long.

Knittin’ Emily

This may not be the most flattering picture, but it just might be my favorite. I feel like it shows my personality the most. It shows my love of knitting (I’m making socks in this picture). It shows that I’m cold-natured, as I’m wearing two sweaters. It shows that I like to sit criss-cross applesauce no matter the circumstance, and despite the fact that I’m almost 20.

Now that I feel thoroughly conceited and prideful since this post is filled with pictures of me, I would oh so appreciate it if you lovely people could vote on your favorite. The winner shall be my little picture thingy.

Au bout du fossé, la culbute,

Emily

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About Emily

I tend to embody the definition of "first world problems," so one night when I knew I needed to shower but didn't want to--in true first-world fashion--I created this blog. There were ulterior motives, however. I'm a journalism and french major at Mercer University, which means I enjoy writing (and France, apparently). I also like to think that I'm witty, and that the world needs to hear (or, rather, read) my wit. "La Vie, Selon Emily" means "Life, According to Emily." Emily, being myself. Now that that's out of the way, who is Emily? Funny you should ask, because I've made a short list: I was raised in the Georgia suburbs on a beautiful little thing they call "sarcasm." My parents taught me at a young age to appreciate this age-old art, and I like to think I've mastered their craft. I'm also quite the girly girl: Disney princesses were my childhood, and dressing up is my favorite. Despite whatever conclusions you may have drawn from #2, yellow, not pink, is my favorite color. I love commas, and feel that I use them too liberally. I love thinking and learning new things, and I love making others think and learn new things. I am a voracious reader, and I love the word "voracious." I just realized that I've used the word "love" entirely too much thus far. I sing in the shower. I sing in the car. I pretty much sing a lot, and I like to think I'm decent at it. If you give me grape juice, I'll be your friend. I will also be your friend if you love on me (examples include giving me a hug, rubbing my back or arm, playing with my hair, cuddling with me, etc.). I have two mottos in life: Any dress with pockets is a dress worth having, and any man who wears bow ties is a man worth dating (I will acknowledge that there are exceptions to these rules, as with all rules). Semi-finally, but most importantly, I am an utterly depraved sinner saved by God's unfailing grace and love. I will leave you with this french proverb: "A l'œuvre, on connaît l'artisan."
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6 Responses to Public Images, According to Emily

  1. Stef says:

    I do quite enjoy your wedding dress pic as I have come up with many a fanciful tale to go along withit!

  2. Go Jules Go says:

    Okay. This is awesome. Letting people vote on your new gravatar (I know! It took me forever to start saying “gravatar” too! It sounds like a James Cameron movie or something)?! You rule!

    You’d think I’d be partial to the Dali ‘stache (and thanks so much for the compliment!), but I totally agree the last is my favorite. As soon as I saw it I loved it, and I think it is VERY flattering. You look ADORABLE! The graduation picture is gorgeous and they all have cool stories, but, #5 all the way.

  3. This is exactly why I hide my average-to-poor face behind my purple square. People will only judge you. I voted for #5 because you look lovely in it. Not that you don’t look lovely in the others. Oh bugger…
    Also: I love the Dalí one – there’s a mad glint in your eyes that’s pretty hilarious, but might alarm new bloggers, in case they think you’re a mad moustache girl or something.

    • Emily says:

      I had to strategically choose pictures that didn’t make me look awful so that I would be showered in compliments rather than insults. Vain, am I right? Oh well. Such is human nature.

      We can’t have new bloggers thinking I’m mad now, can we? They’ve at least got to read my posts before they come to that conclusion.

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