What Is Wrong With The World, According to Emily

The other day I was at that delicious, first-rate dining establishment called Steak n’ Shake. While sipping my peanut butter banana milkshake and chowing down on my to-die-for cheese fries, I happened to look up and quite nearly spit the food right out of my mouth. A girl about my age was walking by wearing nothing but a t-shirt and underwear. No pants to speak of. She was just walking casually to her table. No shame, and no pants.

I soon realized that it wasn’t underwear she was showing for the world to see, but a rainbow-colored bathing suit. I ask you: What is the difference between underwear and a bathing suit bottom?

Nothing. Except perhaps one is made of cotton, and the other some kind of stretchy spandex material.

Here’s another question: If that is the case, why on earth would it be acceptable to wear only a bathing suit bottom (read: spandex underwear) in public?

Oh wait, its NOT. (My stance on swimwear in general is another topic entirely.)

Here is my theory:

What is wrong with the world is not socialist government, liberal media, loose morals, social injustice, a downward spiraling economy or any other topic older people enjoy heated debates about.

What is wrong with the world is that people no longer dress like they have class.

I’ve been obsessed with the TV show Mad Men, lately. I always tell myself I will watch one episode before bedtime, but it usually ends at 2 a.m. three or more episodes later. I just can’t get over how well everyone dressed in the ‘60s.

The Cast of Mad Men

Look at the picture above. Clothes are tailored, heels an acceptable height, cleavage and buttocks covered. Men are wearing either ties or collared shirts. Socks match slacks, and hair is perfectly coiffed.

Even if their morals are (extremely) loose, their dress gives the appearance of class. Sure, being classy through and through is best, but if you aren’t classy, at least try to look the part.

I’ve come to view history this way: Things were better “back then” because dressing up and looking presentable was normal. Only after people started wearing sweatpants in public and baring their underthings for the world to see did culture, the economy and all other things start to turn south. (I may be making this up, but in my opinion it has at least a little grain of truth.) Therefore, the root of all the world’s problems is that people no longer dress like they have class.

If everyone looked presentable for the sake of looking presentable again, the economy may well fix itself. How? The power of fashion and class, my friends. Social injustice might disappear. People will start buying and selling houses again. Inflation will go away.

If this was 1960, the underwear girl at Steak n’ Shake would have been shooed out the door rather than given service. She would think to herself gee, if I want food, I better go buy an appropriate outfit. Buying said outfit would boost our GDP. After coming back to Steak n’ Shake fully clothed, her purchase of a hamburger would further serve to boost the GDP.

And you said fashion couldn’t fix the world’s problems. Friends, let’s do the country–no, the world–a favor. Dress with class and confidence. It just might bail Spain out of bankruptcy.

Une fille doit être deux choses: chic et fabuleuse – Coco Chanel,



About Emily

I tend to embody the definition of "first world problems," so one night when I knew I needed to shower but didn't want to--in true first-world fashion--I created this blog. There were ulterior motives, however. I'm a journalism and french major at Mercer University, which means I enjoy writing (and France, apparently). I also like to think that I'm witty, and that the world needs to hear (or, rather, read) my wit. "La Vie, Selon Emily" means "Life, According to Emily." Emily, being myself. Now that that's out of the way, who is Emily? Funny you should ask, because I've made a short list: I was raised in the Georgia suburbs on a beautiful little thing they call "sarcasm." My parents taught me at a young age to appreciate this age-old art, and I like to think I've mastered their craft. I'm also quite the girly girl: Disney princesses were my childhood, and dressing up is my favorite. Despite whatever conclusions you may have drawn from #2, yellow, not pink, is my favorite color. I love commas, and feel that I use them too liberally. I love thinking and learning new things, and I love making others think and learn new things. I am a voracious reader, and I love the word "voracious." I just realized that I've used the word "love" entirely too much thus far. I sing in the shower. I sing in the car. I pretty much sing a lot, and I like to think I'm decent at it. If you give me grape juice, I'll be your friend. I will also be your friend if you love on me (examples include giving me a hug, rubbing my back or arm, playing with my hair, cuddling with me, etc.). I have two mottos in life: Any dress with pockets is a dress worth having, and any man who wears bow ties is a man worth dating (I will acknowledge that there are exceptions to these rules, as with all rules). Semi-finally, but most importantly, I am an utterly depraved sinner saved by God's unfailing grace and love. I will leave you with this french proverb: "A l'œuvre, on connaît l'artisan."
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6 Responses to What Is Wrong With The World, According to Emily

  1. forsarap says:

    lol too funny. I also feel like leggings as pants is also super terrible.

  2. melipari12 says:

    I hate when dudes walk around with no shirts on! I don’t want to see man nipples on the side of the road.

    Do Steak ‘n’ Shakes even exist anymore? haha. I haven’t been to one in years.

    • Emily says:

      I agree about the no shirt thing. That’s just gross and not classy. Steak n’ Shakes do exist, my friend… and it is a wonderful thing. 🙂

  3. Reblogged this on merechristian1 and commented:
    too funny!

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