When it comes to breakfast foods, Pop-Tarts® are my breakfast food of choice. I love those fun-filled pastries. As with a lot of things, however, I am quite particular about my Pop-Tarts and believe that my way is the best way. In order to enhance your daily breakfast regimen, I’ve decided to educate you on proper Pop-Tart making.
The only good Pop-Tarts are fruit-filled Pop-Tarts*.
This includes, but is not limited to, strawberry, blueberry, cherry etc. Steer clear of Hot Fudge Sundae Pop-Tarts and S’Mores Pop-Tarts. Those aren’t good.
*EXCEPTION: Brown Sugar Cinnamon Pop-Tarts are delicious.
Only lame kids eat frosted Pop-Tarts.
Once you’ve chosen your delicious fruit Pop-Tart, buy the unfrosted version. Sure, the frosted version is quite good, but if you want the perfect Pop-Tart, get unfrosted. In an unfrosted Pop-Tart, nothing competes with the flavor of the fruit and baked pastry. Strawberry Pop-Tarts are my personal favorite. Actually, Strawberry is the best. I may have said earlier that any fruit-filled Pop-Tart will do, but I was just humoring you.
Toast it. The RIGHT way.
By the “right” way, I mean in an actual toaster. Not some confounded toaster-oven machine. Why in a real toaster? Because the best Pop-Tarts have slightly burnt edges. Not charcoal black like you’ve blow-torched the thing, but a slightly golden-brown color. This gives the crust an extra crunch to balance out the soft fruit-filled interior.
Butter that sucker.
Once your pastry is out of the toaster, slather the top in butter. Don’t forget the crust. This, my friends, is what makes unfrosted Pop-Tarts worth it. It’s like a homemade buttery pastry your mama hands you. What could be any better?
Eat the whole thing.
This isn’t first grade. We don’t dispose of our crust. Especially not after we’ve made it such a perfect golden-brown color. The best way to eat this Pop-Tart is to break it in half and, using mathematics, end up with a last bite that is the perfect ratio of fruit-filling to crust. (That was a slight exaggeration, but my point is, don’t leave all of the inside or all of the crust for last. That’s just not smart.)
And that, my friends, is the secret to perfect Pop-Tart making. Hopefully you have been enlightened. It took me years to perfect this art, so this quick lesson should save you years of grief and dissatisfaction. If you don’t believe me, just try it once. People who know me will tell you that I’m usually always right about most things (maybe some of the time…).
Il faut manger pour vivre, et non pas vivre pour manger,